We are forever amazed at the incredible stupidity of the pinkies, their continuous repetition of nonsense, even meaningless nonsense.
They can’t stop sounding off about their ‘economic growth’, by which, generally, they mean waste or inflation of prices.
Our colonisation of the extraterrestrial habitations has obliged us to provide these regions with adequate supplies of carbon dioxide and to plant spaghetti forests and erect wigwams.
This could be regarded as economic growth though we have no concept of economic growth and rather regard ourselves as remedying deficiencies which we have ourselves created.
On Terra the gifts of Lizilith provide us with our food and the means to build our wigwams – and we have the companionship of our sisters.
Actually, in our globally warmed climate, we do not need wigwams, but they are convenient as storehouses.
We all labour ardently on behalf of our nation, our sisters and the design of Lizilith, but if we could, on Terra, accomplish all we need by relaxing and enjoying ourselves, that is what we would do.
If it took less effort to maintain the essentials, we would regard this as a boon, not as a deficit in economic growth.
We are perfectly happy as we are and in maintaining what we have.
We do not need any imaginary growth.
Economic Growth is a pathology and delusion that arises from honkiland being a slave state with all dependent on the wage for the performance in the factory – and another name for the income their IMF and the rest of the terrorists imagine they are getting or will get by taxation. Nothing ever happens in the journalistic world of pommiland during their month of Thermidor, which overlaps, approximately, our Moon of Cordelia.
We too prefer to enjoy the periods of enhanced global warming with numerous water polo tournaments and festivities with the consumption of innumerable samosas.
There is no point in sending bulletins to honkiland when nobody is going to read them. Nevertheless, our beloved sister, the Queen Boudix (the ‘x’ here is a Greek Chi, or approximately so) of the Iceni in pommiland has flown in to Belsize on a broomstick.
She seems to be mainly enjoying the company of her old friend, the Princess Rogan, who is still nominally regent of Merciavostok and, despite the pro-democracy demos, does not see herself as urgently called back to her duties as Commander of the Merciavostok Royal Mounted Anti-Terrorist Police.
There is nothing much, she assures us, that two thousand lawyers and management consultants can do about it, though the management consultants and lawyers can be expected to welcome any enhancement of economic growth.
Since we have been reporting that the Nu Laeba terrorists have been planning these ‘riots’, which are somewhat belated, she points out, they can scarcely be regarded as news.
In any case, why should she return to pommiland if Boudix is in our Federation? Boudix has entertained us with her skills at Belsize Rules Water Polo, which she gets little opportunity to exercise in pommiland, which, she laments, is full of ‘wimps’ who whine and run to lawyers whenever she fractures their femores, even just one femur. But Boudix says she is also here on a diplomatic mission.
Pommies may be under the impression that Ace Journalist Andrea Undress, foreign correspondent of the Daily Sport of Manchester, has reported Boudix as describing the pro-democracy demos as ‘a triumph of modern technology’ and a just retribution directed against the ‘Oppressive Italian Imperialists and their quislings’.
Andrea also reported Boudix, or apparently so, as disapproving of the ‘forced betrothal’ of her daughter.
Doubix, so called because she was born under an oak tree and is a sturdy, hefty squaw of great comeliness, with the Italian General Marcus Brutissimus Porcus.
That was our impression too.
The internal affairs of pommiland are not the greatest issue in the world.
Even in honkiland, in propaganda sheets outside pommiland, pommiland is hardly ever mentioned and nobody outside pommiland has ever heard of the Charmer Chameleon, even though he spends most of his time outside pommiland, let alone about the cricket – except maybe in Indialand.
It was our impression, moreover, that, despite the pro-democracy demos, not merely has the Charmer Chameleon, pommiland’s absentee mad dictator, failed to resign and give way to the liberal administration of the Queen Boudix but is planning to suppress the peaceful protests by oppressive means.
Boudix assures us however that she has been misunderstood and asks us to publish a more objective assessment of her opinions. We are delighted, of course, to hear of the companionship between Boudix’s younger daughter, Bendix, and Porcus’s former Nubian slave, Titania, like Doubix and Bendix herself, a resplendent witch sporting fifteen pommie stones of solid comeliness.
But we had heard that fortunate couple also regarded the late Marcus Porcus, undoubtedly a degenerate honkie macho and, by Italian standards, an albino to boot, with considerable disdain, deservedly so. Nevertheless, Andrea is addicted to a satirical style, repeating, intendedly as a joke- or, as it is known in Hispania, likely to prove to be the future home of our happy sisters, a yok – the honkies’ own lies and propaganda – and being taken seriously by the honkies.
Boudix wishes it to be made clear that the freedom fighters are, in fact, twitterface yobbos. ‘Triumph of modern technology’ was a translation from the language of the native pommilanders to modern pommispeak journalese. ‘Triumph of modern technology’ is the current pommispeak hack terminology for the recruitment of degenerate would-be film extras by means of Turing machines and portable radios.
This terminology was not intended to convey an opinion or value judgement.
Nor did Boudix suppose that degenerates glued in front of monitor screens clutching mobile phones could be persuaded to get out of their chairs, if they still have chairs in pommiland, to collect the luncheon vouchers, ‘Mad Dictator Must Go’ placards’and the Molotov Pyrotechnics and to go off to join the peaceful unarmed civilians…other than as computer simulation.
The twitterfaced psychopaths are, in fact, honkie opportunist pirates who have taken advantage of the tum tums being elsewhere distracted by the genuine peaceful unarmed pro-democracy demonstrators.
If not distracted by duty, they are at least distracted by consultation with lawyers in the attempt to squeeze the maximum bonum out of their redundancy notices and redeployment by outsourcing civilian peacekeeping consultants, to wit, themselves.
Boudix’s disapproval of the intended enslavement and abuse of her daughter by the recently deceased scumbag – no insult intended to scum – Marcus Brutissimus Porcus, has been much exaggerated.
Boudix was merely trying to gain what is known in honkie piratical business circles as the maximum bonum, the best possible deal.
Her lawyers did manage to obtain from the King of Italy a guarantee for the native pommilanders that they would be awarded Italian citizenship and, payable five years in advance, for the Iceni, two tonnes a week of spaghetti, for herself one librum of gold a week and, for each of her daughters, half a librum a week.
The King did try to get out of it by offering a salarium, but Boudix pointed out that pommiland is everywhere within eighty kilometers of the sea and that, despite the ban on consumption of salt, and all other food, by the Nu Laeba Terrorist Minister of Food and Euthanasia, the Kipper, she faced no shortfall in marination.
The spaghetti and gold had arrived, and the Italian passports had been printed at Boudix’s factory in Camolodunum, before Marcus arrived in that city for the betrothal feast.
It was unfortunate that Marcus proved allergic to the fly agaric that is traditionally served to Italian aristocrats by their wives and intended wives…and mothers-in-law and prospective mothers-in-law.
Boudix was complying with Italian tradition and was astonished that this allergy had not been previously discovered. When betrothed to an Italian aristocrat there is always the possibility of divorce.
Marcus, of course, was proxy for the King of Italy who already has seven hundred wives, none of them known to be comely enough to suit Dubitch’s tastes.
Also, nobody ever knows who is King of Italy and the Kings do tend to suffer from this congenital allergy to fly agaric.
With the identity, as is rumoured, of the King of Italy changing every five minutes, the domestic politics is apt to get tedious.
However, were Doubic to cease to be heir to the Iceni throne or fail to be elected queen of the Iceni, Marcus, would have been obliged to abandon Dubitch and marry the new crown princess or queen, that would not necessarily be bad news for Doubic but, nevertheless, the lawyers negotiated a severance penalty.
Since the marriage will not now take place, the King of Italy is thus obliged additionally to surrender to Buditch a further fifty libra of gold and two hundred tonnes of spaghetti. Not only has Boudic’s opposition to Doubic’s betrothal to Porcus been much exaggerated, but she rejoices, as we all do, at the betrothal of her younger daughter, Bendix, to Marcus’s former Nubian slave, Titania.
This all started when the King of Italy denounced Marcus for having it off with Titania.
I wouldn’t fancy Marcus’s chances of that, but, nevertheless, that is what the King of Italy told the Senate.
The Tribunes, who were empowered to veto and bring a halt to the proceedings, interrupted however, with ‘Quo vadis?’ – ‘So what?’.
The King produced certificates that he himself had signed that Marcus had liberated and affiliated Titania.
She was therefore his adopted daughter.
The Senate, for the most part, consisted of lawyers who were aristocrats with Nubian slaves and they felt doubts about the validity of this argument, but the King had spoken.
The pair, therefore, had committed a major crime which, at least according to statisticians, is popular in the Palazzo Vaticana.
Only the King himself is immune to it. The King of Italy, as it happens, had no argument with Porcus, who regularly paid his taxes, and more, and supplied the King with personnel for his orgies.
This condemnation by the King of Marcus Porcus was a familiar manoeuvre in Italian politics.
The guilty pair had to denounce somebody else to prove their innocence.
The King was anxious to get rid of his rival, Catalina, so-called because he had successfully suppressed the pro-demo demos in Barcelona.
So Marcus proved to be witness to Catalina having it off with Titania.
This came as a surprise to Titania, as did the fact that she was, at the time, a Vestal Virgin.
The King however produced the authenticated results of the lottery whereby Vestal virgins are selected, which proved, of course, that Titania, by birth or adoption, was an Italian aristocrat.
It also proved that Titania was an Amazon since the rigging of the lottery is a traditional means whereby Italian capi magiosi get rid of daughters with Asberger’s Syndrome.
The King also produced a certificate to prove that Marcus had sold Titania to Catalina, who, since she was now an aristocrat, must have been liberated and affiliated by Catalina. Of the two felonies, the defilement of the Vestal Virgin was the worse.
The penalty was for the guilty pair to be buried alive at the cross roads, fixation permanently beneath the crux viarum, a ceremony that was known as crucifixion.
Had the diggers of the holes in the road not been on strike because of the spending cuts, that might well have happened.
However, for the lesser crime there was a lesser sentence, also known as crucifixion, suspension upon a wooden gibbet.
The Kings Caligula and Nero had been plagued by pro-democracy demonstrators.
Thousands of slaves would lay waste some region of Italy.
They flourished at first, purchasing all the local produce with cheap loans dished out by the bancos.
But the supplies locally eventually ran out and the slaves were again starving and an easy target for the plastic bullets and water cannon of the tum tums. ..known on these occasions, if they are honkies, as dum dums.
Those slaves that survived were crucified en masse.
The deforestation was a boost to economic growth but, nevertheless, the wood was needed to build the ships of the Italian navy.
It was contrary to the principles of economic growth for the same crux to be used twice and the freedom fighters were in any case all crucified on one day that was declared a public holiday.
The King Domitian built a great stadium to exploit the opportunities for economic growth presented by the Olympic Games.
The President of Greece, Jonas Travoltides, protested that this was no affair of the Italians, but Domitian told him to get lost.
There were mass pro-demo demos by the global wermin improved by displacement from their homes by the stadium, and by their supporters.
Domitian swore that he would eradicate poverty and the unemployment amongst the slaves.
Domitian therefore experimented with saving wood by feeding the criminals to the wolves and lions.
It was possible to charge admission and VAT to the spectators and the lions would eventually retire and be converted to Salami sausages which could be exported to Greece, thus appeasing Travoltides.
The greater the number of criminals eaten, the more prolific the supply of Salami sausages. The King of Italy commuted the sentence on Catalina and Titania to unarmed peaceful protest in the presence of peaceful unarmed lions – still regarded by the eunuchs as an experimental procedure.
Catalina offended the lions by waving a red flag in front of them, the point of a dagger protruding from the side of the flag.
So Catalina rapidly became a patron of the Salami industry.
The lions however had no argument with Titania.
She was an acolyte of what is known as the Italian Religion, which in fact is more the religion of the eunuchs and slaves, who are rarely Italian.
The Amazons view the Italian religion as it persists in Italy as the credo of the Pontifex Maximus and Palais Vaticana.
Our Ver Rev Cardinal Dr.
Lesbia Funkie-Gibbon D.D, the Primate of Belsize, has very little chance of being appointed Prefect of the Curia Propaganda Fidei and, of course, would not accept the office if she was.
Domitian and his toadies did not espouse the Italian religion.
According to Domitian, Domitian was the personification of Lizilith, a proposition which the slaves disputed.
The Italian religion of the eunuchs and slaves bears some resemblance to the Inca religion.
The discipuli, therefore, are not afraid of non-yahoo sisters, even when the latter are pseudohonkified and carnivorous.
The pseudohonkied non-yahoo sisters are not entirely honkified and, just as the honkies hold pro-democracy demonstrations, the carnivorous sisters hold demos in favour of vegetarianism, particularly so vegetarianism amongst yahoos.
It is the effusion of the honkies hormones of fear (which are also the hormones of aggression) that arouses the perverted dietary addictions of the honkified non-yahoo sisters.
The presence of these hormones, easily detected by the non-yahoo sisters’ chemoreceptors, identify the honkie as hostile.
The devotees of the Italian religion amongst the slaves are hardly ideal fodder for the Salami industry, but Domitian’s vendetta against the Italian religion is said to have arisen from resentment of the losses such slaves caused the Salami industry to incur, losses that Domitian was determined to rectify.
Titania, similarly, hopped onto the back of a lion and the honkies shrieked in fear, leaving the wench and her lion sister an easy passage of escape from the arena to the port of Ostium, where Titania and the lion requisitioned a yacht, the property, as a matter of fact, of Mr.
Nikodemos Nikodemopoulos, who, the guardians of the yacht realised, would raise no objection.
The proximity of one of Uncle Boris’s nuclear submarines may also have proved a deterrent to the honkies. Titania had cemented a friendship on twitterface with Bendix, younger daughter of Queen Boudix of the Iceni.
So the yacht sped on towards pommiland.
The presence of this yacht – and the preceding events – were made known to us by the Dinosaurs piloting peaceful Intergalactic Combine Harvesters inspecting the numerous no fly zones current in pinkiland.
The King of Italy was embarrassed by the fact that in the eyes of the populus Porcus was still in disgrace.
It was an embarrassment also that several of the King’s wives were maintaining that the King had been having it off with Titania.
Since, according to Osservatore Romana, Titania had been having it off with everyone and the King must have had greater opportunity than most, this was not a surprising allegation, though the wives were more interested in a pay increase from the King rather than with the veracity of their claims.
The King could solve the problem by arresting Marcus and hoping for the capture of Titania, but it was not at all clear that such arrests would relieve the embarrassment.
The populus, and also the praetorian guard, were convinced that Marcus was a toady of the King and even if the King repented, crucified Marcus and confiscated his property, condemnation of Marcus Porcus would reflect adversely on the King.
Titania had also become a popular figure.
Titania does not have outside boobs by Amazon standards.
She is, after all, a large wench and the Inca attributes are in proportion… well maybe a little bit larger, especially so the stigma of the witch…But in absolute terms, by honkie standards, Titania has big boobs and the cunning Titania was sending photographs, snapped by the lion on Titania’s mobile radio, to editors all over pinkiland.
Lions are skilled at snapping.
So Titania was being portrayed on pages three throughout the Italian empire.
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